Monday, March 2, 2009

Overwhelmed

I am overwhelmed by the comments and support from this wonderful community - thank you. There is a lot that I'm going to need to say in the upcoming days, weeks and months I expect. But I can't now. What I do want to post, though, is the eulogy that I wrote for my mom. I have no idea how I was able to read this at her funeral - but I did. And I'm so glad that I was able to do that.

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To my mother, my friend, my role-model.

Mom,

Words cannot express the love I have for you. My greatest hope as a mother, is to be as good of a mother as you were. Through your fine example do I know how to be a mother. How to be a woman.

I miss everything about you. How you would listen to me for hours. Always attentive, always asking questions. Shy as I was when I was a little girl – to you, I would talk non-stop. All those trips back and forth to Ft. Smith when you would drive me to gymnastics. And I would talk the whole way. I would tell you, practically page by page, about whatever book I was reading. And if you weren’t really listening, I never knew! Because you were so attentive and patient and interested.

I don’t know how to write this. I don’t know how I could possibly say how much I love you, admire you, respect you, like you. You recently told me that you thought about and missed your mother every day for the last 17 years. I thought I understood it at the time. But I didn’t. Now I do. A day won’t go by that I will not think of you. And miss you. And wish that I could talk to you. And a day won’t go by when I’m not thankful for you. For all that you have given me. For your love. Your generosity. Your heart. For making me the person that I am and for inspiring me every day to be better.

I know that your family was the most important thing in the world to you. I know that you wish you could be here. But since you cannot be, my promise to you is this – I will carry you with me always. I will do my best to be the mother to my children that you were to me. I will strive to be the loving, generous, dependable friend that you have always been.

You are in my heart. And so, in truth, you will never die – you will be with me always. Thank you. For everything.

Mom with Jonah - December 2007

2 comments:

Ms. J said...

I am so sorry I didn't see your entry sooner about your Mommy passing.

There are no appropriate words at a time like this. Anything I could say seems so trite. So I will just say that I am deepky sorry for your grief, and loss. And will remember your Momma, and you, and Jonah, in my prayers.

Alex said...

Hi. I came back after finding you through LFCA on your last post, just wondering how you were doing. I just wanted to say what a lovely eulogy to your mom and how wonderful that you had so many good moments with her. I realize of course that this only makes losing her that much sadder, yet at the same time, I am touched by the love that you and she obviously had for one another.

Also the picture of her holding Jonah is simply beautiful.